Wednesday, July 25, 2018

"As a Mother Stills Her Child"

There is a famous hymn called "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me." One of my favorite lines goes like this:

As a mother stills her child
Thou canst hush the ocean wild.

How does a mother still and comfort her child? She does not use force. She does not yell. She does not speak harshly.

She calms the child with her gentle presence.

Have you ever been with/around someone whose very presence brings you peace? Sometimes when they walk into the room, things just feel different.

I remember being held by my mother as a child. Her offering of self was enough to calm me.

Today, I want to be the kind of person that is calming and kind.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018


Well, it has been a long time since I really blogged.

I am writing this post with my baby asleep on my chest. She's been there for about 2 hours now, so I know I won't have much longer, but I have been thinking a lot on motherhood today.

The transition to motherhood has been interesting for me. Here's what a typical day looked like for me for the last few years before my daughter was born.

6 or 7 AM: Wake up and get ready for the day
8-6: Go. Go. Go. (Variations of studying difficult concepts for school, taking notes in class, working hard at my job, or travelling.)
6-10: Me-time or time spent with Brennan watching movies, studying, talking, etc.
10-when I woke up: Uninterrupted, peaceful sleep.

My days are nothing like that now. When I became a mom, it felt like my world got turned upside down (after being violently shook).

For awhile I felt quite blue, and I still do some days. But I have also felt something empowering and peaceful about this new lifestyle of being PRESENT.

I don't get to plan much ahead.

I have no idea how well I'll sleep at night or how many times I will have to change her outfit or my own. I don't know if I will accomplish much. Sometimes tasks as simple as dishes get ignored. I might not talk to any other adult besides Brennan after a long day.

But all of these uncertainties make me slow down, breathe, and face the day with courage to be present and accept whatever feelings accompany the sporadic, yet monotonous day.

Thich Nhat Hanh (a prominent Buddhist leader) preaches that there is "peace and happiness" in the present moment. He means in every moment, we can feel that way. I'm not that good yet, but I am starting to feel pleasantly surprised that a lifestyle so different from what I thought I preferred is incredibly rich and fulfilling.

I am glad to slow down. I am so grateful to be a mother. I am happy to be present.

Friday, April 20, 2018


I am just about 1.5 weeks from my due date! I cannot believe how quickly things have moved. Baby girl may not make her appearance for a couple more weeks, but we sure are excited to meet her. I mostly wanted to blog about this for my own record, but maybe someone else will find it helpful too!


Man, I was so excited to get pregnant, until some of those first hormones started kicking in. I won't go into detail, but I think women expect to feel glowy and happy and in love with the baby from the start. I just want to say that was not my experience. And that is okay.

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I started morning sickness right at 6 weeks. Brennan and I were travelling in Colorado. I had been feeling nauseous, but when we walked into Panera to eat lunch, I made a b-line for the bathroom and threw up. After that, it was 2-3 times a week that I threw up for the rest of my first trimester. I felt nauseous pretty much the whole time. I once had to leave the house and walk around Walmart while Brennan cooked bacon, because the smell was so awful. I lost weight, and I was in the hardest semester of the nursing program. Man, those were some rough times. I remember telling Brennan at one point that I would NEVER get pregnant again haha. The crazy thing is, one day, I just woke up and felt completely better, and didn't feel sick again. I was like "Okay, I can handle this."


Many people consider this the best trimester. I would say that it definitely had it perks. I was STARVING. I could eat, and eat all day long. It was amazing. My only real craving was Jello and Cool Whip, but I would gladly take basically anything that anyone offered me.

I started gaining weight, and getting a belly.

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During that time I also worked night shifts for my preceptorship in the NICU. The lack of sunlight, weird schedule, intense school work, and hormones made me feel emotionally pretty crummy. But physically I felt great. And for that, I was counting my blessings.


The home stretch. I was finishing up school most of this time (graduated at 37.3 weeks pregnant). That kept me distracted, but I definitely have become less comfortable each day. I still feel hungry a lot of the time, but it's hard to eat large amounts due to heart burn. I have been able to manage it with some tasty tums though. I have had lots of mood swings, and done a lot of nesting. I get up to pee several times a night, and have been experiencing practice labor the last couple of weeks.

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Now, I am just feeling ready and excited to meet this little one!

Friday, January 5, 2018

Best of 2017, and HELLO 2018!

Wow, it has been awhile since I updated this blog. It has been such a fun thing to go back and look through exciting times in my life. I think I've been too busy with all the recent excitement that I stopped blogging.

Anyway, enough rambling.

Here are some of the 2017 highlights:

  • I started nursing school this year!
  • We found out we are having a baby. And SHE is a wiggly little thing. 
  • We moved (across town, but still exciting). 
In 2018, we will be looking forward to the following:
  • Graduation! I am completing my last semester in the nursing program. I will be completing my internship in the NICU, and I couldn't be more thrilled.
  • Baby is due sometime this Spring (end of April, or beginning of May).

I'm not sure what other adventures we will be in for this year, but I'm hoping to do a better job of updating this blog as I go.

CHEERS 2018!

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Marriage pt. 1

I know I just did the wedding post, but we've been married almost three months, and you know what? I think our normal day-to-day pictures are pretty cute. Here's what we've been up to since we tied the knot!

Thing #1: We've been going camping, a lot. We're kind of into one day camping, swimming around in the lake, cooking brats over the fire, and bringing coconuts as treat when we get the chance. (Have you ever thought about how perfect coconuts are for camping? They don't need refrigeration, they have water INSIDE of them, they take some force to open, and they are delicious).

My husband has gotten into photography recently, and I end up having to model a lot. 

Thing #2: Doctoring cows wasn't something I thought I would ever do. My family members are not farmers, or anything close to it. But this doctoring cows thing is a big deal in my husband's family and I LOVE IT. It's a lot of fun. Also, cows are kind of cute in an ugly way, which makes me like them (even though they are very stinky creatures). 

Thing #3: We visited Craters of the Moon, which oddly, really does look like how I imagine the moon would. I think he might have liked this trip just a little more than me. 

Thing #4: I pulled a Delilah, and chopped off all my husband's hair. He helped though... and I don't think he lost any power or anything, so we're okay. I think he looks pretty handsome with his buzzed look. 

Thing #5: We picked some home-grown RASPBERRIES. They lasted for about 27 hours. They were so delicious, we couldn't stop munching on them. 

Thing #6: Take me out to the ball game! He's a big Red Sox fan, and I didn't even know how baseball worked until we got married (embarrassing). But I really loved going to a game! We watched the Chukars play. I have a feeling watching baseball might become a more normal event for us. 

Friday, June 10, 2016

Wedding pt. 1

I married my favorite person. And our first month of marriage has been so so so good. How did I get so lucky? 

Special thanks to Great Salty Floral. Look them up on Instagram. She is amazing! 

Can you tell he's my bestfriend?

I could not have dreamed of better in-laws. 

The mamas. 

My not-so-little family.

The whole gang.

More pictures to come...

*Thank you T. Wright Photography!*

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Why he's the best thing that's happened to me.

Well. I know I haven't talked much about dating on here. And this is a very cheesy, and overused phrase but.....

He is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that's why I'm going to marry him.

Let me tell you a little bit about us:
>>> We have been dating for over two years
>>> A lot of that was long distance
>>> I am hopelessly in love with him
>>> We're getting married in May

Okay now let me talk about why he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

1. Brennan (that's his name) is nothing like who I imagined I'd end up with, but he is so much better for me. When I first met him, I thought he was REALLY handsome (because he is) and I was really drawn to him but I also thought we were too different to work out long term. There are several entries in my journal stating "this is not going anywhere..." But I was falling in love. really. really. quickly.

This was a picture from our first real date. I already liked him a lot by this point, but was in total denial. I thought he was too cool for me. And I still think that sometimes ha. So anyway, my point here for reason #1 is that I'm in love with him. And falling in love was one of the easiest things I have ever done. I have always been immensely logical, but all of the sudden, I was just letting go and enjoying life. Whenever I'm with him, I'm happier than ever before. 

2. He helps me be a better me. I like to think that I'm tough and independent. But the truth is, I need a lot of encouragement. 

When I'm with him, he helps me not only feel valued,but makes me want to try new things. I feel more adventurous and my life is easier and happier and more fun with him. I feel more capable and he encourages me to do more than I thought I could. Needless to say, the quality of my life has improved significantly since I met him. 

3. He's so patient with me. 

On one of our first dates, he asked me out via text messaging. I told him, no. I wouldn't go on a date with him unless he asked me out like a gentleman. Instead of giving up on me, or thinking that it wasn't worth the effort, I heard a knock on my door. He had left one of the most creative invitations I had ever seen. My frustration quickly turned to laughter. And I realized how silly I had been. 

AND on top of the day to day patience he exhibits, he has also waited around a lot for me to figure out my life.

These pictures were taken right before I left on a mission for our church and right after. I was gone for about 18 months. We couldn't call each other or skype. We could only emailed once a week, and sometime less. We also wrote letters. He was so supportive of my desires to help others and serve God. He never asked me to stay or reconsider. And I will always be grateful for the experiences I had during that year and a half. As focused as I was on what I was doing, I fell more in love with Brennan. 

4. He makes me laugh. 


I'm weird. And so is he. And I love singing Bohemian Rhapsody at the top of my lungs with him. I love when we tweet stupid stuff. I love screaming as loud as I can in the car, just because we can. I love watching Pride and Prejudice and 2001: a space odyssey every. single. month. I like that he farts around me and we laugh about it, because I still haven't farted in front of him.

5. He is such a good person: I get caught up in details, but he sees the big picture. And he is good to everyone he knows. He is kind and thoughtful. I don't have any pictures for this point, but anyone who knows him, knows that he is a good friend. 

There are a lot of other reasons. But I think this is sufficient. Brennan is my best friend. And I'm pretty excited that we get to spend forever together. 

The end.