Present

Well, it has been a long time since I really blogged.

I am writing this post with my baby asleep on my chest. She's been there for about 2 hours now, so I know I won't have much longer, but I have been thinking a lot on motherhood today.

The transition to motherhood has been interesting for me. Here's what a typical day looked like for me for the last few years before my daughter was born.

6 or 7 AM: Wake up and get ready for the day
8-6: Go. Go. Go. (Variations of studying difficult concepts for school, taking notes in class, working hard at my job, or travelling.)
6-10: Me-time or time spent with Brennan watching movies, studying, talking, etc.
10-when I woke up: Uninterrupted, peaceful sleep.

My days are nothing like that now. When I became a mom, it felt like my world got turned upside down (after being violently shook).

For awhile I felt quite blue, and I still do some days. But I have also felt something empowering and peaceful about this new lifestyle of being PRESENT.

I don't get to plan much ahead.

I have no idea how well I'll sleep at night or how many times I will have to change her outfit or my own. I don't know if I will accomplish much. Sometimes tasks as simple as dishes get ignored. I might not talk to any other adult besides Brennan after a long day.

But all of these uncertainties make me slow down, breathe, and face the day with courage to be present and accept whatever feelings accompany the sporadic, yet monotonous day.

Thich Nhat Hanh (a prominent Buddhist leader) preaches that there is "peace and happiness" in the present moment. He means in every moment, we can feel that way. I'm not that good yet, but I am starting to feel pleasantly surprised that a lifestyle so different from what I thought I preferred is incredibly rich and fulfilling.

I am glad to slow down. I am so grateful to be a mother. I am happy to be present.