Half a Year

October 2018

Dear Maggie,

Today I crept into your room before you woke up. That doesn't normally happen since you're kind of a morning person (like me) and rise nice and early.

I had to find something in your room, and the rustling made you stir. You had fallen asleep on your tummy, with your tiny, chubby hand pressed up against your face. You opened your eyes, head still rested on the mattress and looked around your room.

"Maggie. Good morning sweet girl," I said gently. A smile crept across your face. You looked around and I caught your eye through the slats of the crib. "Happy half-birthday, baby!" Your grin grew even wider.

As I stood up to come and get you out of your crib, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with love. I picked you up, and you honestly felt like you had gained some weight overnight. You seemed so big to me all of the sudden. I held your squishy little body close as you happily glanced around your room and at my polka-dot shirt.

I've accomplished quite a few things in my life that people say are hard. I served a mission. I went through nursing school (while pregnant). I got married. I live a fair distance away from my family. All of these things were supposed to be really hard. But none of it holds a candle to how difficult motherhood has been for me. Maybe, it just doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to other women. The sleep deprivation, anxiety, and physical and emotional toll has felt like too much more than once. But, amazingly, none of that even seems to matter when you look up and smile at me.

The depth and intensity of love that I feel for you is unparalleled to any other emotion I have EVER felt. I am more invested in your success and long-term happiness than anything else I have ever done. Just writing about how I feel for you makes me weep.

So, here's to half of a year of you as a little person and me as a mom! I can tell that we're both starting to feel a little more like ourselves, and I can't wait to get to know you better. If the growth of my love for you is anything like that last six months, you will not even believe how much I will love you in 6 more weeks, or months, or years.

Thanks for joining our family GieGie girl.

Love,
Mom