Day Two: Creating an Organized Space

For the second day of March, I created an organized space using the KonMari method!

I wish I had a "before" picture, but all I have is the after.

We were really able to cut down on the items that we had AND we were able to organize the things that we did want and that sparked joy for us. 

We got those cute little fabric bins at Walmart for $3.88! 

Today's creation was a little more stressful for me. Tomorrow I think I'll do something a little less ambitious haha.

Creation: March Goals!

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am a goal-oriented person. I LOVE the feeling of checking things off of my list and accomplishment of any kind.

There have been some things in my life that I have finished I think just for the sake of finishing them haha. But that's a discussion for another time.

This month, I made a very different kind of goal for me.

Every day of March, I want to CREATE something. 

I am looking forward tapping into my creativity and not worrying so much about a checklist.

I would love for you to join me in my challenge!

Here is what I created today:

I would NOT consider myself an artist. Here is the beginning of a loose interpretation of my little family. I adore them. 

I am a fan of planners and bullet journaling. This is my bullet journal for the month. 

If you want to see what I create each day, subscribe to my blog!

Half a Year

October 2018

Dear Maggie,

Today I crept into your room before you woke up. That doesn't normally happen since you're kind of a morning person (like me) and rise nice and early.

I had to find something in your room, and the rustling made you stir. You had fallen asleep on your tummy, with your tiny, chubby hand pressed up against your face. You opened your eyes, head still rested on the mattress and looked around your room.

"Maggie. Good morning sweet girl," I said gently. A smile crept across your face. You looked around and I caught your eye through the slats of the crib. "Happy half-birthday, baby!" Your grin grew even wider.

As I stood up to come and get you out of your crib, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with love. I picked you up, and you honestly felt like you had gained some weight overnight. You seemed so big to me all of the sudden. I held your squishy little body close as you happily glanced around your room and at my polka-dot shirt.

I've accomplished quite a few things in my life that people say are hard. I served a mission. I went through nursing school (while pregnant). I got married. I live a fair distance away from my family. All of these things were supposed to be really hard. But none of it holds a candle to how difficult motherhood has been for me. Maybe, it just doesn't come as naturally to me as it does to other women. The sleep deprivation, anxiety, and physical and emotional toll has felt like too much more than once. But, amazingly, none of that even seems to matter when you look up and smile at me.

The depth and intensity of love that I feel for you is unparalleled to any other emotion I have EVER felt. I am more invested in your success and long-term happiness than anything else I have ever done. Just writing about how I feel for you makes me weep.

So, here's to half of a year of you as a little person and me as a mom! I can tell that we're both starting to feel a little more like ourselves, and I can't wait to get to know you better. If the growth of my love for you is anything like that last six months, you will not even believe how much I will love you in 6 more weeks, or months, or years.

Thanks for joining our family GieGie girl.

Love,
Mom

Fall

Fall is probably my favorite season. This year, I feel particularly excited about fall. Giegie will be old enough to at least somewhat enjoy the holiday traditions.

This summer was a little bit slow (and fast in other ways) because of her birth. We didn't do any camping, which for us is unusual. And while I am sad about that, I feel excited for cool weather, warm meals, and lots of cozy time indoors.

For now, I am trying to enjoy what nice weather we have left. We walked to the park today and just laid in the shade. In just a month or so, it will get cold enough that going on walks just won't be possible anymore.

Here's to a cozy and memorable fall!

Why I had to travel across the country to breastfeed in public

Did you just read that title? Is that really what happened?

Before my daughter was born, I had high hopes of feeling comfortable feeding her anywhere and anytime. I hoped that I would be able to continue my life pretty much as normal and just feed her on the go. I hoped to not be too worried about location, or covering myself.

But then reality set in. I remember being in the hospital room less than 24 hours after my baby was born. Luckily, she was a great eater and had zero problems latching, however, it is STILL a learning experience for both mom and baby. We had some visitors, and I knew it was time to feed her, at first they sat there as I tried to discreetly whip out my boob and feed my baby, but I couldn't get the angle right or something. I finally whispered something to my husband along the lines of "Um. I think I need some privacy." They were gracious enough to give me space.

LAWS AND CULTURE

Did you know that just recently, in 2018, as in THIS YEAR, we finally had laws in all 50 states protecting breastfeeding moms? I want to be clear that breastfeeding in public was NOT illegal before that. There just wasn't built in protection, so technically speaking, a mother could be charged with public indecency for feeding her baby.

But, the legality of breastfeeding isn't really the problem in my opinion. Remember prohibition? Even though alcohol consumption was illegal, it wasn't looked down on. Whereas smoking is still completely legal, but as a society we have deemed it to be not so cool. The rates of smoking began to drastically decrease by the 1990s (about 20 years after anti-smoking campaign started).

 HHS.gov

My point in all of this is, culture plays a much bigger influence than the law. It might be legal and even protected in the United States to breastfeed in public, but we are still fighting some pretty strong cultural preferences. "During the early 20th century, breastfeeding started to be viewed negatively, especially in Canada and the United States, where it was regarded as a low class and uncultured practice" (History and culture of breastfeeding, Wikipedia).

WHY IT SUCKS

Breastfeeding has its pros and cons. I am all for a baby being fed in the way that will be best for both baby and mom. I am in no way promoting compulsory laws or culture that promote breastfeeding as the only good option. But I certainly think that if we can bottle-feed (breast milk or formula) in public with no problems, the same should be true of breastfeeding.

I know this isn't everyone's experience, but I love breastfeeding. I have been fortunate enough to have a pretty easy and very happy experience. It helped me to feel empowered as a woman and connected to my baby. But, its kind of sad that I sometimes felt shame about doing something so normal and not at all sexual in public.

WHEN I SAY I HAD TO GO ACROSS THE COUNTRY

A few weeks ago, I traveled to Florida for a family reunion. I went with my baby who is still exclusively breastfed. We took a red-eye flight to get there, and so when the lights were low and most people were sleeping, I breastfed my baby uncovered for the first time in public. It was so much easier.

Every day for the rest of the trip, we were out and about eating at restaurants, at the beach, kayaking, swimming, etc. I could have bowed out, or found a more private spot to feed my baby, but I didn't, because I was surrounded by my family who supported my efforts. It gave me a sense of safety having them all with me.

So, it turns out I didn't really need to go across the country, but I did need a strong, big group of people to make me feel like it was totally fine to feed my baby anywhere, anytime.

A week or so after returning, I went out to breakfast with some friends when my baby began to fuss. I did put on a cover, but I just started feeding her. One of my friends asked "Is breastfeeding in public pretty common here?"

I replied, "I don't know... but I feed her wherever I need to."

And that felt good.

"As a Mother Stills Her Child"

There is a famous hymn called "Jesus, Savior, Pilot Me." One of my favorite lines goes like this:

As a mother stills her child
Thou canst hush the ocean wild.

How does a mother still and comfort her child? She does not use force. She does not yell. She does not speak harshly.

She calms the child with her gentle presence.

Have you ever been with/around someone whose very presence brings you peace? Sometimes when they walk into the room, things just feel different.

I remember being held by my mother as a child. Her offering of self was enough to calm me.

Today, I want to be the kind of person that is calming and kind.

Present

Well, it has been a long time since I really blogged.

I am writing this post with my baby asleep on my chest. She's been there for about 2 hours now, so I know I won't have much longer, but I have been thinking a lot on motherhood today.

The transition to motherhood has been interesting for me. Here's what a typical day looked like for me for the last few years before my daughter was born.

6 or 7 AM: Wake up and get ready for the day
8-6: Go. Go. Go. (Variations of studying difficult concepts for school, taking notes in class, working hard at my job, or travelling.)
6-10: Me-time or time spent with Brennan watching movies, studying, talking, etc.
10-when I woke up: Uninterrupted, peaceful sleep.

My days are nothing like that now. When I became a mom, it felt like my world got turned upside down (after being violently shook).

For awhile I felt quite blue, and I still do some days. But I have also felt something empowering and peaceful about this new lifestyle of being PRESENT.

I don't get to plan much ahead.

I have no idea how well I'll sleep at night or how many times I will have to change her outfit or my own. I don't know if I will accomplish much. Sometimes tasks as simple as dishes get ignored. I might not talk to any other adult besides Brennan after a long day.

But all of these uncertainties make me slow down, breathe, and face the day with courage to be present and accept whatever feelings accompany the sporadic, yet monotonous day.

Thich Nhat Hanh (a prominent Buddhist leader) preaches that there is "peace and happiness" in the present moment. He means in every moment, we can feel that way. I'm not that good yet, but I am starting to feel pleasantly surprised that a lifestyle so different from what I thought I preferred is incredibly rich and fulfilling.

I am glad to slow down. I am so grateful to be a mother. I am happy to be present.